Your Nervous System will always choose a Familiar Hell over an Unfamiliar Heaven.
As a somatic therapist, I’ve had the privilege of guiding many of you on your journey towards personal growth and healing. One recurring theme that often comes up in our sessions is the notion that our nervous system tends to choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. This idea is profound and can shed light on why change, especially change for the better, can feel so daunting and challenging.
Our nervous system is like an old friend that has been with us since the day we were born. It’s designed to keep us safe, and it does so by seeking out patterns and predictability in our environment. This is an incredibly useful trait when we face real threats, but it can also become a double-edged sword when it comes to personal growth and accomplishment.
The Familiar Hell
The “familiar hell” represents the patterns, behaviors, and situations in our lives that, despite being painful or unsatisfying, are familiar to us. These patterns are deeply ingrained in our nervous system because we’ve experienced them repeatedly over time. Our brain perceives them as safe simply because they are known.
For example, consider someone who is stuck in an unhappy job but has been there for years. Despite their unhappiness, they stay because they know what to expect. It’s a familiar routine, even if it’s a painful one. Our nervous system tends to default to these patterns because they are predictable and have not caused immediate harm.
The Unfamiliar Heaven
On the other hand, the “unfamiliar heaven” symbolizes the potential for positive change and personal growth. It’s that exciting, yet terrifying, leap into the unknown where we face new challenges, opportunities, and experiences. While the idea of a better life, career, or relationship can be incredibly appealing, it also triggers our nervous system’s alarm bells.
Change for the better represents uncertainty, and our brains perceive uncertainty as a potential threat. It disrupts the familiar patterns and forces our nervous system to adapt to new circumstances, which can be scary and uncomfortable.
Why Change Feels So Scary
The fear of change stems from our brain’s natural tendency to prioritize safety and survival. When we step into the unfamiliar, our nervous system responds with the fight-or-flight response, which can manifest as anxiety, doubt, or resistance. This is why even when we know that change is necessary for our personal growth and well-being, we often hesitate.
Overcoming the Resistance
Understanding why our nervous system prefers familiar hell over unfamiliar heaven is the first step toward overcoming this resistance to change. It’s essential to acknowledge that this fear is a natural response and not a sign of weakness. Here are some strategies to help you navigate the path of personal growth:
- Slow and Steady: Gradual changes can be less intimidating for your nervous system. Take small steps towards your goals to make the transition smoother.
- Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during times of change. Acknowledge your fears and doubts without judgment. Self-compassion can provide the support you need to move forward.
- Seek Support: Consider working with a therapist, coach, or mentor who can provide guidance and help you manage the emotional challenges that come with change.
- Visualization: Practice visualizing the positive outcomes of change. This can help rewire your brain to perceive the unfamiliar as exciting rather than threatening.
- Mindfulness and Somatic Awareness: Engage in mindfulness practices and somatic therapy to become more attuned to your body’s responses to change. This can help you manage anxiety and stay grounded during transitions.
Remember that personal growth is a journey, and it’s normal to feel apprehensive about leaving your familiar hell behind. But as you gradually embrace the unfamiliar heaven, you’ll discover new horizons, experiences, and opportunities that can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Change may feel scary, but it’s often where the most profound transformation and accomplishment take place. Embrace the unknown, trust in your ability to adapt, and know that you have the inner strength to navigate the path to a brighter future.
Your presence here has made all the difference, and I am incredibly thankful for your time, attention, and engagement. Whether you stumbled upon this blog post by chance or are a dedicated follower, your support means the world to me.
With all the warmth and love in the world,
Sarah Alperin
Somatic Therapist, Child Behavior Expert, ICF PCC Somatic Coach, Founder, The Well-Being Collective
